Sometimes I like to lie and tell myself I know I’m happy and I know I’ll never want any thing more then what I already have.
I tell everyone else the same. I’m happy. My life is perfect. I love my small family.
Although this may not be a total lie…I am very happy. However I do wish I could have more.
I love my daughter. She is more then I could have ever hoped for. I had her against all odds with everyone against me on it.
I would love to have another one. I don’t want to adopt (I know it’s an amazing thing and so many kids need homes). I want to conceive and carry my own child.
Sure I could. I could I ahead and try it. But my first pregnancy went so well I feel like the second could have problems. Problems could result in my daughter losing her mother.
I see babies, I see families growing, I see my daughters love for other children and I want that.
Yes I’m happy. And I am so happy for those who are around me! And I am so happy to be apart of their lives and their families.
I would love to have the option to grow my family though. The ability to let it happen when it’s time. If it happens it happens and if not that’s okay.
I don’t have that. I have huge decisions to make.
So many will tell me it’s not with it, why want more? Why risk anything? Why aren’t you happy? I can’t explain it.
I just want the ability to let things happen when it’s meant to. Without the fear of problems and loss.
I love you Caidence lee, and I’m sorry I can’t give you a sibling…..