Sweet 

I may be a little biased….but I have the sweetest daughter in the world. 

She is so loving and kind, shares (usually) and loves to help. 

She has helped raise two litters of kittens, a puppy and chinchillas. She has fish and is growing her own flowers. She loves her friends (especially chloe) and she loves to smile. 

I was working (like usual) today and she told me to come and sit down. (I am trying not to say “in a minute” because she now says it) So I followed her to the couch and sat down. She hands me a box that she has been shaking and says “here mommy, happy birthday” (my birthday is in may). I open this box and it has a fake croissant, fake broccoli, a shot glass, a lid to a toy pitcher, a potatoes masher and a plastic knife. I told her “thank you! I love it!” And she says “your welcome mommy, happy birthday”. 

I mean come on…if that don’t melt your heart then you are just soulless. Such sweet memories, such a sweet girl. 

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Snow 

We live in Washington state. No not by Seattle or down in the Tri-City area. We live an hour south of Canada and two hours west of Idaho. I’m way up in the tiny right hand corner of Washington state.

All of you know, who live in the northern states, we get a LOT of snow. 

The past few years have been very odd and we only ever got maybe one big snowfall. This year we have had several! 

And the schools closed for a total of 4 days now! These schools NEVER close. 

Last night we had about a foot get dumped all at once, on top of the few inches we got yesterday in the day. 

I’m getting off topic tho. 

The point of this post was to thank my AMAZING husband who went out and shoveled our porch, stairs, sidewalks, a path to get the cars out, a path out the back door and a path to move a car into the carport. 

All by himself he did this.

I am so appreciative of him and all the work he does to take care of me and my daughter. I shoveled last time it snowed like that and I was sore for days! 
So thank you Weston for being so amazing! Working so hard, and giving us an amazing life. 

Omg 

Okay so I try to be a pretty reasonable person. Like I try and allow parents to control their own children at my house, the way I would control my child at their house. I know kids are kids and things happen so I try and not flip shit. I’ve had kids come and destroy my house and leave. I’ve had kids just not listen non stop and the parents do nothing. I have had kids throw things and kick things and have little to no consequences. All of these things fuel a fire in me and it makes me CRAZY. But I don’t want to be THAT mom. The mom that yells at everyone’s kids, the mom that is a neat freak, the mom that no other moms like because o have my house a certain way and my kid is a certain way and all other ways make me go insane! No. I try to be calm, I play it off and say “they are just kids”, “boys are rough”. blah blah blah. Inside I wanna scream! Tonight…..tonight man….this kid has repeatedly been told not to do stuff, took stuff the second my kid put it down because they knew it would upset my kid, and would just get into EVERYTHING! I just got done cleaning up my FAVORITE eye shadow powder, and my brand new powder coverup because that same kid made a mess! My favorites! I don’t cry and I don’t yell but I had tears in my eyes as I leaned it all up….I’m hiding in my dining room venting because I can’t even!

Busy…

I hate the excuse of “I’m busy”. I get it, people are adults and we all have lives. Some of us more so then others…but still. I also understand that things come up. But to say your busy every single time you are invited over or asked for help is insane. 
Busy….it means to have a great deal to do. 
It doesn’t mean pick priorities and ignore those you shouldn’t. It doesn’t mean that there is never any time for friends or family. And it doesn’t mean you can continually blow someone off. 
One can be busy and still make time for friends, family and fun. One can be busy and still have a happy marriage, be a successful parent and have a sanitary house. 
Busy….
I am a stay at home mom. What does that mean….we’ll to people like my brother in law “a stay home mom does nothing, and has nothing better to do then cause drama”. Ouch am I right?! 
I’m a stay at home mom. I work on call nights and weekend as a scheduler for a caregiving against. I run out local mom group. I am a full time college student working on my Bachelors degree. I am on the policy council for our local Early Head Start. I have my daughter enrolled in the program and we have play and learns as well as home visits weekly. I am a wife, a sister, a mother, a daughter and a friend. 
I am busy……
But I am never to busy to help, talk, or just listen. 
Nobody else is either….they just chose to not be there….

Trust…..?

Do you ever wonder about the story someone is telling? Ever look at photos, and compare them to words and wonder where the blurry line seems to be? 
There are always two sides to every story. But what happens when the person who knows each side are both known for exaggerations? If they are known for drama and wanting to be in the spotlight? 
How do you know when you can truly trust someone? 
Well I don’t know the answer to any of these questions. I do have all of the situations in my daily life however. I wonder if I can trust one side over the other. Should I believe my friend when I desperately want to, but photo evidence would seem to prove otherwise? 
I’m not easy to trust. People trust me…but I don’t trust many. Perhaps because I always speak my mind, and I know so many hide their true thoughts and feelings. 
Some day we will all learn to be true to ourselves and say what we need to in order to have no secrets. Till then….I’ll continue to wonder…..

Happy/Sad 

When all you want to do is be happy for someone when they find out great news, but you can’t be. 

You can’t be happy because that person never wanted it, because that person isn’t ready, and because that person is close to you. 

You can’t be happy because you want it, you are ready, and you are prepared. 

But it’s not safe for you, however for them it’s just another day. 

It’s dangerous and life threatening for you, but for them it’s just another oops. 

Your happy. You love or life. But you could add to it. You would love to add to it. 

They aren’t. 

I am happy for them….but sad….

Can you say selfish? 

Wishing 

Sometimes I like to lie and tell myself I know I’m happy and I know I’ll never want any thing more then what I already have.

I tell everyone else the same. I’m happy. My life is perfect. I love my small family.

Although this may not be a total lie…I am very happy. However I do wish I could have more. 

I love my daughter. She is more then I could have ever hoped for. I had her against all odds with everyone against me on it. 

I would love to have another one. I don’t want to adopt (I know it’s an amazing thing and so many kids need homes). I want to conceive and carry my own child. 

Sure I could. I could I ahead and try it. But my first pregnancy went so well I feel like the second could have problems. Problems could result in my daughter losing her mother. 

I see babies, I see families growing, I see my daughters love for other children and I want that. 

Yes I’m happy. And I am so happy for those who are around me! And I am so happy to be apart of their lives and their families. 

I would love to have the option to grow my family though. The ability to let it happen when it’s time. If it happens it happens and if not that’s okay. 

I don’t have that. I have huge decisions to make. 
So many will tell me it’s not with it, why want more? Why risk anything? Why aren’t you happy? I can’t explain it.

I just want the ability to let things happen when it’s meant to. Without the fear of problems and loss. 

I love you Caidence lee, and I’m sorry I can’t give you a sibling…..

A new start

Starting a journey is always exciting and a little scary. 

Exciting because you have chosen to take the step to start something new. You never know if you will succeed or how difficult the task may be so it can be a little scary to.

I love trying new things, and I would love to earn money from home without trying to be a sales rep. I also don’t want to have to be on the phone or computer all day answering calls or inputting data. 

I would try and take photos for a career but so many people do that. 

What is always needed, and yet for some reason fairly difficult to find?! Books! 

Not just books but children’s books! 

Yes Walmart sells books and so does the dollar store, but what about educational books? Board books? Books for all ages? Simple books? Interactive books? 

Sure you can go online and find what book you want and wait for it to get here. 

Or you can ask me! 

I signed up just today to be an Usborne book consultant! 

They are fantastic books that are quality made, fun to look at and my daughter loves them! 

Yes I have to order them but I would like to eventually get some on hand so you can call and tell me what you need and come pick it up! 

I’m excited to possibly earn my own money, share my love of education and my daughters love of books! I am also a little scared because I’m not sure how I will do. 

I plan to go at this head on and share the word with EVERYONE! I can do this! 

Interested?

Ask me! 

Am I okay? 

Does it make me a bad person if I don’t like some people? It’s not any particular group of people, just some people in general. Has nothing to do with race, size, intelligence…..well somewhat to do with intellegence I suppose since I would cal these people uneducated or immature. 

Is it okay to not like someone because they are young and don’t have their stuff together? 

Is it okay to not like someone cuz they are huge and complain about it yet eat pizza and lay around? 

Is it okay to not like someone because they say things that come off as rude even if they aren’t meant that way? 

You could say I’m shallow I guess, that I judge and shouldn’t or maybe even that I am here to cause drama. 

Of course my and a friend talk poorly behind someone’s back. But anything I say to her or over text, I would say to their face. 

So why don’t I? Why don’t I confront these people and tell them what bothers me in hopes they will fix it? 

To save the drama. Why cause an issue if I can avoid it and be fine? Why make a small thing huge?

Is it okay to not like people but at the same time not tell them? 

Late 

I hate being late. I hate when other people are late. I hate when things don’t go as planned. 

If I say I’ll have food ready at 3, that means we are eating at 3. Not come at 3 and we will eat sometimes after. You come early, eat at 3, then do whatever. 

If someone is supposed to get off work at 7:30 then they should be home around 7:45. However it’s now past 9…and he is still at work. 

Does being late stress anyone else out? Is it just me? 

I arrange my day around family time. When we need to have dinner done. When my daughter needs to go to bed. 

But how can I do that if at his work the rule is, as long as there are customers…they are open. That’s not right. The store closes at 7. It says so on the front door. Don’t be that disrespectful person who walks in at 6:30 with some complicated issue and you know you will be there past 7. Be considerate of the employee and their family. 

Be on time. Be present. Be happy. Be respectful. Be courteous.